To Be a Great Lover: A Feminine Perspective (with excerpts of Anais Nin’s “Delta of Venus”)

by Kristie LeVangie

I have been Bijou.

I have been Elena.

I have been a great lover.

But she controlled herself with the intuitive knowledge a woman has about the tastes of the man she desires.

I have done it for pleasure.

You see I was just born a great lover—a personality trait innately given to me by genetics or pure fucking luck. And I have learned a great many lessons both rewarding and harsh as I chased that “dazzling little death that no drug or alcohol could give.”

Now I can’t teach anyone how to acquire my nature. It seems an innate part of being—something you just have…or don’t have. I absorb and process information from all senses simultaneously at all times.

For instance, here I sit writing this blog and snacking on a cup of pineapple banana orange yogurt. Most people would eat it, perhaps taste it and move about their day. Not me. I take the yogurt onto my tongue and let it sit there in erotic pause as I note its texture. I push my tongue to the roof of my mouth and destroy its cohesion. There’s pleasure in that.

I further experience the texture, and now the flavor, as it falls across my tongue and down the back of my throat.  There’s pleasure in the combination of orange, banana, pineapple, vanilla and sugar and the slick creamy consumption of the medley.

I lose myself in the waft of scent that lingers up to my nose, how the container is cold and slightly moist, and how it makes a scratching noise reminiscent of fingernails on a chalkboard when my spoon scrapes against the remnants of the foil lid that never comes all the way off with this brand. There’s pleasure in all of that.

I note the strange light orangish color. You never see anything this color. There’s pleasure in that.

It’s more than the action…it’s the pleasure in the action that sets me apart from other women. With almost everything I do, I attempt to utilize all 5 senses….never less than 3 or 4.

It’s not the flavor or the sound or the taste that I crave; it’s the experience.

It was a hunger that did not come from any precise region of her body.

And that particularly applies to sex. It’s that erotic absorption that makes it, not only an experience for me, but for my partners as well.

I can advise you to slow down, to take your time, to savor every aspect of your experience, but ultimately…YOU can only teach YOURSELF to find enjoyment. You will need to train yourself to not just “go through the motions,” but to open yourself up to the emotion each motion creates within you, a process not easily accomplished.

Being a great lover is about turning sex, as well as non-sexual experiences, into art. It’s about creating context for you and your partner that goes beyond touching and fucking and cuddling.

Never had he given to his every gesture so much thought and artistry.

It’s about anticipating their desires—not only reading their body cues but creating situations that appeal to them on a mental level, situations that mirror their interests, their fantasies, their likes, and their needs. It’s about the intimacy of knowing your partner both inside and out.

It’s about putting yourself on the line, exercising your imagination and opening yourself up to utter humiliation. It’s about your willing suspension of disbelief to create something unforgettable, and, when in instances that it completely fails, the ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take away from your experience some learning that will help you when you attempt the same approach in the future. A great lover never gives up. A great lover is persistent, tenacious and formidable.

It’s about attention to details and stocking them away in your romantic arsenal until just the right moment in time. It’s patience and perfect timing.

It’s about the art of subtlety. A great lover never comes on too strong. It’s about slight acceleration in desire and action. It’s perfectly timed crescendos and pianissimos and dramatic pauses. A great lover realizes there is just as much power in what is not said or done as there is in what is.

There was always that second of suspense before he loosened his pants and took out his penis for her to touch.

But most of all, a great lover realizes it has absolutely nothing to do with love. Being a great lover is drama and pursuit and display. Love may be a motivation for action, but it is NOT required for the action.

A great lover can separate sex and emotion.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. – Mark Twain

A great lover realizes it is all a great act—regardless of the motivation.

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