What Men Really Think…Like I Fuckin’ Know

by Kristie LeVangie

Alright, class.

Today, we talk about “What Men Really Think.”

Take your seats.  It’s time for for us, girls, to be schooled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  How many times have we been told, “Men are simple. They think with their dicks.  They say what they mean.”?

Well…I call bullshit!

  1. Because I refuse to believe that men are so shallow to be ruled by biology alone, and
  2. Because then every fucking action would be logical and predictable.

And let’s just face it.  It’s so OBVIOUSLY NOT!

Could it be that men are so in tune with one another that their complexity seems simple?

Or are we women just confused by seeing what goes into those masculine craniums and the resulting what comes out?

Are we really from two planets speaking alien languages?

For all my experience, I confess that men STILL perplex me.  In fact, I’ll honestly admit that the more I learn, the more confused I become.  I love to observe them in their natural habitats, like Jane Goodall and her monkeys.  Pick any sporting event, concert, bar, or picnic, and just watch.  They have their own rituals, their affinity for bodily functions, their own mind games, insecurities and vices.  They consistently walk the delicate line of “being a pussy” and take potshots at one another to express emotion.

They operate by a secret code that utilizes the Occam’s Razor Principle:                In any given situation, the best solution is the simplest one, and this applies anywhere from grooming practices to the man cave décor in the basement.   But then, they simultaneously become super complex in their chess-like social maneuvers for pussy.

Of course, there are always exceptions to my generalizations.

They’re gay!

But all kidding aside, there are men who have somehow obtained the intergender translation device AND read the manual, but these are few and far between.  For the most part, they are “just as scared of us as we are of them.”

Today, I, for one, am hoping to sit back and be taken to school.  Today, I’m the willing pupil.

School me, boys.  How DOES your mind work?

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